How God saved me.
Apr 25, 2013
( You may not remember Mr.Sorger but by the Grace of God I will never forget you. God spoke through you one night in Albany NY two and a half yrs ago and I have been on fire ever since. Thank you sir, for listening to the LORD, thank you for being a part of how God saved me... i'll always have a love for you my friend that is eternal.peace to you and yours.May God bless you and your ministry according to His Will.in Jesus Name.) How God saved me...prt.1. by Michael Corey (Notes) on Sunday, April 24, 2011 at 12:47am... i realize now what a lot of this has been,like David,i am being prepped.David had to kill a lion, then a bear and then ,and only then,did he take on Goliath.he did not use another mans weapons,"i will use my own,your weapons have not been tested,or your armor"he used what God had given him since birth.for me,i am learning,it is a bold spirit,a confidence utterly in what i believe,and my words.however i had to be prepped.i am still being being prepped."be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind" i will say this much.for now. since i was a child God is the only One who i feared and loved 100 percent,but He is also the One ignored the most,sought after in ways that allowed me to compromise,i looked for Him everywhere,in freemasonry,witchcraft,Sumarian culture,alien theory,anything other than christianity...on purpose.something about the idea of surrendering... i studied Wodansfolk,held many different beliefs at many different times.Bible calls that a ship tossed this way an that by every storm that comes,a double minded man,unstable in all his ways.that was me.unstable,uncaring,unknown,but a savage,a complete modern day viking,with an above average brain.simply put ,an animal with cognitve thought.i did every drug under the sun,wandered to fro,seeking whom i may devour,like the master i didnt know i served at the time.every relationship i was in failed,i was the outcast in school,the loner,the one with the killer eyes and liars smile.i was whatever was needed at the time,all the time.i had so many masks that i didnt know who i was,if i ever did at all... i lived in hardcore music,God blessed me with talent,but my lot was never to be able to use it for the secular,i knew this and it only drove me further from Him,psych centers,to many to count,rehabs,jail,prison,bouncing from place to place,staying here an there,times i should have died and didnt,years in the box broke me,taught me to be indifferent to everyone,everything,uncaring of the cries of others,or pleas for help or mercy,my understanding was do not demand what you can not take by force,and i did.whatever i wanted,or i was stopeed abruptly.because no man is THE man.no one.i hid behind the jokes of others,while inwardly cringing at them and sympathizing for the victims,yet glad it wasnt me,bars ,shows,people,places...on an on an on an on.ive seen things that would make the average go into therapy.but like you,i didnt have that,i had only another experience worse than the prior to wash the previous away,i was out of my mind,i was a madman,i was not what i was made for. my views on God were so twisted that i was caught in a battle for my mind and didnt even know it.always be mindful what you say or what you invoke or even "try" as a joke.you open yourself up unawares to the things of the enemy.make no mistake.you have an enemy.and he hates you for everything you are,precious in the eyes of God,and he hates you for everything he's not,accepted by his Creator any longer.he roams around with the fallen seeking whom he may destroy.his time is short,as is all time in general. once upon a time my rage,my hate,my views on race,pride,power and pleasure were all i had,and they were nothing but a front to the truth i didnt know,even worse,didnt want to know.didnt care about.it was to the point that all those i loved either were either dead or dying,had walked away or stopped caring,or never did in the first place,all i had,all that was me, was a deep seeded loathing for a God of "love" because i couldnt and wouldnt take the chance that i could be loved ,or even wanted to be.or that if i reached out to God that He would reject me.as many as will joke about this,there are those who will relate,so if this helps even one.so be it.it became consuming,my rage,my resentment towards my mother,towards my father,my step dad,,everyone around me,anyone who smiled,anyone who furthered that lie of happiness.the only thing stable and steady,and readily available in my life whenever i chose,was my hate.it became my crutch.but the disease continued to spread,and i began to falter with every step,till i couldnt breathe,till i couldnt see,till i lost the band i was in,my girl, my kids,my place,and even then i refused to care."let me die like this" better to be remebered as i felt than live dying because i couldn't see or be what i truly wanted.freedom.from myself,from what had been done to me,from had been allowed to be done to me,from all i had done to others and myself.to the extent i wanted to know another way entirely..."is there another way?""Are you really out there? do you really care God? LOOK, LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT WHAT THIS WORLD DID TO ME.... A flash ,a vision, visions...a hammer...nails...pounded through the wrists and feet...mocking voices...taking His name in vain...blood running down...He bowed His head and dies... "LOOK AT WHAT IT DID TO ME" i sent Erica a text,can't remember all of it verbatim,but He was guiding the words,it ended with...His name is I AM. I then found myself falling ,face down ,by myself ,alone with my Creator.i could not move,my stomach began to tighten on its own and a calm came over me,a peace i can describe.it was like the videos of of the mushroom clouds you see,the wall of flame hitting the house,and just blowing it away.that is what happened to me.i was not just healed of my past.or delivered from it.i found myself in the Shekinah presence of God.and i began to wail.not cry,not whimper,wail.like a woman in labor.but it was without pain,it was out of love it was happening.and it was then i heard the words i will never forget. "I LOVE YOU" I heard the voice of God. and i will never turn back.i know He is real.He loves everyone of us.all we have to do is call on the name of Jesus.without mocking.without caring what others will think.and He will come. How God saved me....pt2. by Michael Corey (Notes) on Monday, May 9, 2011 at 7:14am... Super bowl Sunday 2011, i was in church.a broken man but completly changed.opened to the idea of peace and God. i had just given my life to Christ and was sitting next to Patty bay in Victory church in Albany.Pastor Charlie Muller was giving a good sermon.my cell phone rings ,it's a guy i consider to be my best friend. i am offered a job, a place to stay,a chance to go back to the band i was in,everything i want on a silver platter,pretty much....without God....i get this call right in the middle of church. i go back in to the service and i won't lie,i wasn't hearing anything the Pastor was saying.i kept thinking "i don't need this" i can make my own way. It was then that one sentence from the Pastor spoke to me." Be loyal to Me" He was giving his sermon but it was to me,cut right through me.i knew beyond a shadow of a doubt.this was the fork in my life. the epiphany i had in my guitarists house one night.on one side,rage ,hate,a life of screaming,drugs and spiritual death.leading people astray from a truth i knew would find me out one day.that i truly hated everyone,and did not care if they hated me.i would get scared because i saw myself doing things that were beyond inhumane.with a smile.i used to revel in it.i would look at people while they were talking and see myself taking them down at knife point,and just cutting until there was nothing left.then they would look confused when i would smile for no reason..."something in your eyes just isn't right" i wanted to watch it all burn to the ground,at one point i wanted to be the cause of it all.i didn't care.i knew that being the front to that musical murder would have been the downfall of many,myself included.... or... i could rely on the very thing that saved me,to continue to guide me.unlike spiritual contact before,the presence that came with Him was and is peace,power.meek.strength under control....because He controls it all.creations are nice but the Creator is better. He is humble,He is meek.like a steel bat wrapped in velvet.His laws never change and neither does He.He loves us all i have learned,enough to give His designs the perfect way to carry out their own design.His Word.Him.Yeshua (Jesus). So i stood up right there in the middle of the service and said "if i walk out these doors i will never come back." they all stood up and came towards me,everyone of them prayed for me at the same time,they accepted me as a family without hesitation.i had new hope dawning.purpose.other than to be mad all the time.i was planning on leaving to a place where i could get my barings straight and get a grip on what i was supposed to do.Teen Challenge.odd though seeing how i am not a teen.i had made my decision.no matter what.i would never return to the secular world again.i am human,i fail here and there,but my choice is clear.never again. So upon leaving the service that day i am told there is a special guest speaker coming Mon and Tues nights that week.Matt Sorger.He is a prophet an evangelist and has been all over the world.I do not know him. That monday came and i go to the service. to backtrack just a little,all week prior i couldn't eat or sleep really.i ate bannana bread and water,i never left the house and i could not stop listening to this song by third day,"consuming fire".i didnt know why,but everytime i did i would find my cheeks wet with tears,at one point in the song there is a spot where it talks about not just being healed and delivered but bumping into something else as well. the shekinah presence of God.The actual manifestated presence of the Glory of God.not a joke,or hoax.that is what happened to me.His presence alone obliterated everything that 31 yrs worth of death and decay,in every form and way managed to compile.Now also prior in prison my mother had always sent me these religious things about the bible that i always ignored,but i opened up the bible to where there was a piece of paper inside.it was called the "great awakening" it spoke on the fire of God sweeping through America in a revival during the last days. it was held in Jeremiah 31.and when i opened the book the verses screamed out at me.vs 1-3."AT THE SAME TIME saith the Lord WILL I BE THE GOD OF ALL THE FAMILIES OF ISRAEL, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE.Thus saith the Lord, THE PEOPLE WHICH WERE LEFT OF THE SWORD FOUND GRACE IN THE WILDERNESS,EVEN ISRAEL, WHEN I WENT TO CAUSE HIM TO REST. The Lord has appeared to me of old saying, YEA, I HAVE LOVED YOU WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE. THEREFORE WITH LOVING KINDNESS HAVE I DRAWN THEE. AGAIN I WILL BUILD THEE , AND THOU SHALL BE BUILT O VIRGIN OF ISRAEL.THOU SHALL AGAIN BE ADORNED WITH THY TABERETS,AND SHALL GO FORTH IN THE DANCE OF THEM THAT MAKE MERRY. vs 11. the one that rocks me.being involved in witchcraft and being overpowered,when i read it i cried...hard. "FOR THE LORD HATH REDEEMED JACOB,AND RANSOMED HIM FROM THE HAND OF HIM THAT WAS STRONGER THAN HE". a lot of talkin on fire i had noticed in that week. so this guy Matt Sorger shows up , he is sitting in his seat a few seats down from me in the front row.for some reason i was ushered into the front row by the elders of the church that night.Sabina,an african woman believed God had something for me that night.This guy is passing out cd's and dvds.he goes through a couple and then holds up one in particular,all of a sudden Sabina starts pushing me forward,"thats for you,thats for you, go,thats for you" .so i go.and as i walk up it is a cd he is holding out.he looks at me and then just smiles.i take it and go back to my seat.i look at the cover "The Awakening" the first lecture on the other side of it.... The fire of God... to many coincidences in a row and a wave of something touches me.as if to say ,"prepare yourself". so in the front i sat.i was very unprepared for what was coming.basically still in shock over what had happened before hand.The church starts singing,and i notice that alot of songs are about fire,purifying fire,holy fire,then consuming fire.i felt a tug on the inside a little a time.i had noticed that i was singing but there was no way i was gonna raise my hands in the air.that wasn't happening.i was wrong.again."raise your hands". a voice inside,"no" was my reply.nevermind i was talking to myself.at least that was my justification at times afterwards.i kept thinkin about people watching me,seeing me...praise God?!with my hands in the air."Raise your hands"stronger than before.i remember trying to make a response why i couldn't but it came again,"you are not here for them,not to impress or for show,do not care what people say or think or even do.worship me,for I AM WORTHY TO BE PRAISED" so the hands went up.and i started to cry...a little. i had put every dime i had in an offering envelope and dint bother signing it or naming it.i just did it.so there i was.after being to told to raise my hands in the air,and i hear."young man , take five steps forward" it was the Prophet, guest speaker. "take five steps forward" so i took five steps forward. my whole body was electrifying for some reason. He put his finger in the middle of my chest and began to speak. "Five is the number of grace, and you have found grace in the wilderness."He said some other things too but i had lost my awareness.it was as if God flashed that verse from Jeremiah in my head right then and there,as if to say,"get ready ,you wanted me,well here I AM" . He began to speak in another language that i had never heard before and i could feel the beginnings of ripples going through me.like a pulses.over an over.then he stopped and started to speak english again....only it was not him speaking. As soon as he began to speak,the power in the words alone buckled my knees,and i begin to fall to them,my whole body gave out as i went face down to the ground.wailing.each word like a flash of lightening. "I HAVE MARKED YOU,I HAVE CALLED YOU BY NAME,YOU ARE MINE AND I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO.I HAVE GIVEN YOU GIFTS,TALENTS,MANY KINDS,IT IS TIME FOR ME TO REAP WHAT WILL BE SOWN.EVEN NOW BY YOUR WORDS ALONE YOU HAVE BROUGHT PEOPLE TO ME.YOU WILL NEVER LACK FOR ANYTHING,AND I WILL BUILD YOU UP TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE,THROUGH ME,BY ME,BECAUSE OF ME.I WILL BE WITH YOU,AND I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO." at this point i was crying like a little girl hysterically who had just lost her Dora doll.yea i have to say that part too.i was wailing.i have tried since and i can not mimick the sound i made. i am going to continue these writings,because i began to write down events like this in my life afterwards.you can not see the wind,but you can see the effects of it. Praise God,because He is good and His mercy endures forever Teen Challenge.. by Michael Corey (Notes) on Tuesday, May 24, 2011 at 11:43pm... i was outside victory church,God had just spoken through Matt Sorger over me,i was talking to a man who i can't remember his name,he tells me,"God just let you know that he's got you,you went without for so long that He is going to give you what you ask for,He had to refine you and make you into what you needed to be."he then goes on to prophecy over me saying"this program you're going to is of God,but the first place you go you won't be there long,then God will send you to where you need to be,that is where you will get what God has for you. i remember those words distinctly. i go to Albany Teen Challenge,and in that time i notice that the students are good guys but they are going through the motions.following a strict schedule and being there by court mandate isnt easy for alot of them.it seems to me to be spiritually dead,or at least sound asleep.i am there for 8 days when the bible study we are having at night turns toward spiritual warfare.no one has a clue.and the staff at the time didn't think it was important at that stage of development.babies drink milk,and adults eat meat.in learning about our walks with Christ i have learned and am learning that it is important to distinguish between the two.and how it is applicable. i do believe that in early development that one should be fed the fundamentals on spiritual warfare in milk form.it IS a part of the walk. so disagreements arose but not arguing,in the end,they didnt want to listen.the staff that is.the students were interested.more so than not. next day after a confontation with a cowardice act on the staffs part and an angry one on mine.i am transferred to Long Island TC. (you will not be there long,then you will go where God wants you to be)upon leaving the same staff tells me that i am like Ezekiel,that i have a fire inside that is burning bright but i dont know how to control it yet.we pray and shake hands,and im off.on the bus i sit next to a man that just got out of prison.He is christian and we begin to talk.still unsure a little if i made a mistake i ask God if this is where i am supposed to be.i open the Bible,and it is in Daniel."I send you to Babylon...." i show up in Babylon and have no idea where im supposed to go.i call the center and tell them where i am.my ride hadnt shown up.so i go inside and begin to talk to the counter guy.He too,is christian.and allows me the calls i need in order to get in touch with TC.ok.im supposed to be here. several times on the drive down i notice the signs for something advertising "Victory",i get picked up and head to the church with a man named Victor.entering the church one of the first things i hear is "Do you want Victory?"Pastor Willie is giving a word and its a good one.I will say this of Pastor Willie Ramos Pastor Jimmie Jack.they are great guys and i respect and love them deeply.however the man Victor would become the man who left the lasting impression.a very profound one. i get to the center later on in the night and we do the intake,i asked the name of the place i was in. the staffs reply was a foundation rocker.i had been saved in a mighty way,and i have spoken of it prior,i was in the Shekinah presence of God. The name of the house is the Shekinah house. so i begin my walk in Babylon. church,study,work and prayer.day in ,day out.in school i ask alot of questions and bounce alot of ideas off the teacher and others.they can't stand me.Paul was a great guy,and he loves what he does.my teacher had great patience.more than once he would scratch his head and just say,"i dont know"and i respect a man who can admit he doesnt know.makes him a great teacher in certain aspects.other times people would say "is he an Angel?" because the way the Spirit would guide my words.God has left people in awe alot i notice.He's good like that. as time progresses i realize something about the place,money doesnt mean happiness.the students are downtrodden.low spirited and do not believe the staff really care at all.the students work 60 hrs a week and dont get paid a dime,then in church 4-5 times a week,all the while they are yelled at and put down if they ask questions or try to inquire.i have always voiced my opinon.and if God is showing me something then im going to talk about it. so it came to be that i had a guidance counselor named Malcolm.He is a good guy and loves the Lord,but there was a pride in him,in me,in all of us that gets in the way.and it did ,many times.he once asked me "how can you say you love someone when you dont even know them?"it was then and prior that i realized why i was there.it was to learn,but it was to display obedience to the Call of the Most High,no matter what others thought."because of the love of Christ in me" was my reply.he didnt believe.either in the statement or in general ,in the idea.but one should note that Jesus is love,and to be loved is to love in return.it happens naturally.When resides within you,you will display His attributes automatically.not perfectly,but automatically.its also then i begin to get the feeling that God is trying to show me something."look around you,look at the sheep,not the shepards"by the Grace of God i was allowed to lead many people to Christ while i was there.i was yelled at for it though,"it's not your time" they would say,"its not your season" said others.i paid no mind to them,i showed humility and respect,and continued to talk about what God had done for me,how He made me feel and what He saved me from. and people began to talk to me about their problems,many people.about everything.and because God is so good,and can work through anyone,even a wretch like me,many people listened.that is what is it about. telling the whole world that God is real and what He has done for you.your actions and demeanor will explain the rest.and if they think to themselves "i dont know" they will ask.no need to force or push. at one point i thought i was supposed to leave to another place,something inside kept flaring up,"stay" "stay".so i stayed and i kept getting these Words that God had a judgement coming.let me try to explain.all the food there is donated,and the students rarely saw the good of what was given,they were oppressed to the point of depression alot of the times.and its not to say that everything was bad,or even bad in general,but the one on one love aspect of love was missing.the relationship aspect was not there it seemed. what started it was i was talking to a man about the progam,every night the students would come backfrom work exhausted and miserable,and would complain about it.and in one particular conversation i overhaerd a man say "David Wilkerson what he thinks of whats being done"thing is he didnt know.God had blessed that man and his brother with an amazing gift for helping troubled teens,and he was a mighty man of God.him and his brother. So i will tell how it started to apply. i was asked to write brief testimony on my life,where i came from,how God had saved me,and what my life was like now.anyone that knows me it would be volumes not a single half page,but i did it.and i handed it in. i was told that i needed to put a verse at the bottom of the page,as a way of showing what verse i stand on.so i closed my eyes and said "Lord wherever you want me to be ,let me be" i opened the Bible to Ezekiel 34:25-"AND I WILL MAKE WITH THEM A COVENANT OF PEACE,AND WILL CAUSE THE EVIL BEASTS TO CEASE OUT OF THE LAND:AND THEY SHALL DWELL SAFELY IN THE WILDERNESS,AND SLEEP IN THE WOODS"- but i didnt hand it in to Malcolm,i gave it to Victor.and i was hit with two things to say as i did."tell me 2 things" i said "is this written well,and is it incriminating?" what i didnt know about Victor was that he reads the whole chapter when you give him a verse.Ezekiel 34 is all about the shepards of Israel.Thus saith the Lord "Woe to the shepards that do feed themselves and not the flocks...."it goes on an on.it is very clear how He feels at the end of that chapter,and all through it.(read it)it is then i start to really get Words from God,telling me to warn them,to "speak what i give you to speak"... i am 31 yrs old.i was a madman in a former life and lived hand to mouth,often times with my foot in there as well,who was i to say something like that!?i began to isolate,i would walk for hours at a time and just pray."please God tell me if this is what you want,please tell me"i would pray for hours and hours.walk and walk.talk and talk.listen and wait.i finally sat down one day and began to break down."God help me please"i was an outcast again... no one could find fault with what i said but no one wanted to talk to me. then it came to me.all the Prphets were social outcasts in one way or another.not calling myself a prophet but it was very clear that what God had given me was distancing me from my peers quickly,but not in a bad way.i was like an oddity.they loved to hear me speak but didnt like talking to me.God is good.finally i can take no more and i go in to see Malcolm. My adrenaline is flying but i have a piece in me i can not describe.i ask the Holy Spirit for the words and i say "i feel the Holy Spirit telling me to tell you that there is a judgement coming to your staff"...silence.i said "call David Wilkerson and ask him how he feels about how the program is being run ,from when him and his brother started it to now,ask him to speak the truth on how he feels and it will matter to those who will listen" . he says "are you making an accusation against the ministry,cause thats pretty important if you are"...stupid....was the hidden word in that sentence.he brushes me off and tells me that he "felt" the Holy Spirit telling him he would get in trouble if he was late for his meeting.oddly enough after i said it i didnt feel the need to say it anymore.so i went on my way and carried on as usual.i talked to everyone.man,woman....not supposed to talk to girls.and i never once got written up.not once.they would get mad and yell ,scream even,swear too,but i never got a write up.i was at a DSS building and began to preach to the people there about God,and the others there actually said "wish i could do that"....well why can't you? coming back from that that morning i am told to pack my stuff up and that i was taking the ferry across the Long Island sound to Bridgeport Conn. to go to another program for "spiritual growth"....they had had enough i guess. but the truth can not be hidden. After i left i found out that ,God rest his soul because he was and is a Godfearing and God loving man, David Wilkerson died in a car crash driving on I-95. Him an his brother Don were the founding members of Teen Challenge. ... all i will say is that God is in control,and i am very grateful for that.because i am human and fail on epic levels.make out of this what you want ,but it is there in black and white.i was also baptized,a full submerssion and completly gave in to the powr of the Living God.Sheela Ray Charles.Ray Charles daughter prayed over me and stopped and said "whooo,God has something for you in the ministry,dont doubt its fromHim".many ,many little encounters of people i dont know praying over me and saying that.Praise God i am unworthy of anything,so i am grateful for it all.i believe i was given what i was supposed to be given at the time for the purpose of the Will of God.it still effects me to this day when i think of all the events leading up to it.if He can use Gideon ,or me,or any other worm that is undeserving,then He can use you too.and He will if you ask Him to.i will write down more of these encounters and my perceptions on them,i claim nothing other than the belief in Jesus,everything else is in Gods hands,and worked out according to His Will.make of it what you will. we had a special guest speaker come and talk to us,Pastor Touchstone.awesome man.He gave a word on a palm tree...and on the love of God ,how we need to persevere through the storms that come our way.."You can cut a palm tree but it won't die,you can bend it,but it won't break,and when the waters dry up,the roots just dig deeper."after his sermon ,the program director Victor gave a quick word but what he said at the end is what will stay with me forever."Mountain top views are beautiful,you can see forever and everything looks amazing (long island teen challenge is what came to my mind)...but nothing grows on the mountain tops" he said. "everything grows in the valley"later that morning i was packed up and sent ,without warning ,to Bridgeport Conn.the valley...lol. can not see the wind,but you can see the effects of it. Praise God because He is worthy to be praised. The Valley.... by Michael Corey (Notes) on Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 3:23pm... i had just been transfered to Bridgeport Conn to a place called Turning Point Ministries.let me first start by saying that i had much revealed to me about this place,about myself and about the absolute peace of God which comes from love...not judgement. on the ferry over i was standing on the outside lower deck and was enjoying the wind on my face,the peace of His presence and the beauty of the ocean.i remember saying "who is like You?" and i watched the sky open up over the ocean and the rays shining down on the water.a Love so profound over took me and i felt tears welling up inside.i remember asking Him about the place He was sending me to.and i opened up to this.Ezekiel 2:1-8" when i saw this i prostrated myself and i heard a voice "STAND UP O SON OF MAN" he said "AND LET ME TALK WITH YOU."As He spoke a spirit came into me and stood me on my feet and i listened to Him speak.He said to me " SON OF MAN I AM SENDING YOU TO THE ISRAELITES,REBELS WHO HAVE REBELLED AGAINST ME THEY AND THEIR FOREFATHERS HAVE BEEN IN REVOLT AGAINST ME TO THIS VERY DAY AND THIS GENERATION TO WHICH I AM SENDING YOU IS STUBBORN AND OBSTINATE.YOU ARE TO SAY TO THEM " THESE ARE THE WORDS OF THE LORD" AND THEY WILL KNOW THAT THEY HAVE A PROPHET AMONG THEM, WHETHER THEY WILL LISTEN OR WHETHER IN THEIR REBELLIOUSNESS THEY REFUSE TO LISTEN.BUT YOU SON OF MAN, MUST NOT BE AFRAID OF THEM OR OF WHAT THEY SAY,THOUGH THEY RESIST AND REJECT YOU AND YOU ARE SITTING ON SCORPIONS.THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR IN THEIR REBELLIOUS LOOKS.YOU MUST SPEAK MY WORDS TO THEM,WHETHER THEY WILL LISTEN OR WHETHER IN THEIR REBELLIOUSNESS THEY REFUSE TO LISTEN.BUT YOU SON OF MAN,MUST HEED WHAT I SAY AND BE NOT REBELLIOUS LIKE THEM.OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND EAT WHAT I AM GIVING YOU" i got picked up at the harbor and as we drove back to the house i noticed something about the area.it was desolation.chaos and a place where the light shined in very few areas.it was the most run down ghetto ever.for miles and miles and miles.i thought to myslef if i have ever stuck out like a sore thumb,this is by far that time of all times. the house was peaceful,God was there.or at least in me.so i felt content even there.i have to say that it was God given.that peace and the sense that i was in good hands with Him.the house was run down,the houses all around were crack houses,drug dealers everywhere and the occasional gunshot would bang out here and there.and for all the staff that didnt care about the students or love them,there were ones who did.they did not have the luxury of Long Island,the food was bad ,the people were rude and mean,the air itself held a tension that was almost like prison air,for those who know what i mean.within 24 hrs i wanted to leave.i thought that God had made a horrible mistake in sending me there.what could i possibly offer these people,and what could i get out of it?they go to church like 4 times a week there in all different places,and the next morning i felt worse than ever.i wasnt allowed to call home due to a blackout period,i didnt know anyone,and no one wanted to know me.we go to Zion church that morning and i remember PRAYING VERY HARD.God if you want me here please tell me,if not i am outta here.we go there and the worship is drab and i want out,but then something happened.the Pastor came out and i asked the Holy Spirit to speak to me.the pastor begins with the reading and this is what he says."i have learned in all things to be content whether hungry and poor,or rich and full.i have learned to be satisfied,always hungry yet always full..." crap... so i know i have to stay.so i do.and when i decided to just do what i was told a peace came over me that is without definition.i just knew He was right there with me.i just did. the Word is preached there ,they attend service,they hold classes,but there is no one on one...again.the students are miserable and fresh off the street,the door revolves constantly and i see people come and go.come and go. this is where i can say it was ALL GOD.ALLLLLL GODDDDDDDD!!!!! no one cared what i had to say,some would listen at first,others would try to find ways to prove me wrong but the same things started happening,everytime someone would say something that was contrary to the Word of God,staff or student,i would feel this push on the inside "speak" i dont want to speak please i cant say that SPEAK so i would speak,and everytime it blew them away,they could find no fault in what i said.because it was not me speaking.it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me.even the staff would just sit there and listen.it was always on the Love of God.almost always.no matter what foul comment would come my way it simply did not effect me.i knew that was also the Spirit of God.it was as if He had given me a new heart and new eyes an ears.everything rolled off.and i loved them in a way that i could never have on my own.i felt Him everywhere.He revealed Himself to me constantly.Jesus was right there beside me the whole time."FEAR NOT" the words came back. the Spirit would prompt me and a question or a statement would come out of my mouth that would leave the staff speechless and literally saying "I dont know.ill have to look it up and get back to you".but they never did.it was as if they loved the words but despised the speaker."THEY DO NOT RECOGNIZE ME" was the feeling i got several times from Him.they only know themselves.i could relate because if not for the Grace of God,there go I.in fact ,that was me not to long before...and much worse. i remember being in a service at an all black church and the Word came. Jeramiah 31: 1-3...God was talking directly to me,everytime i needed reassurance i wasnt losing my mind ,He was right there to tell me."FEAR NOT FOR I AM WITH YOU".everytime i would feel the overwhelming presence of the Lord and tear up.right there beside me.other times i would be unsure if i was doing it the "right" way.and the Word at the service that night would be about freedom in speaking His Word,not fearing or doubting.to keep pressing on.i went to a church that was all Latin and they had a Prophet speak.very powerful sermon and afterwards i had him pray for me.see...the thing is i believe if you are truly led by the Lord you do not need to know prior what to pray for with someone.the words will come when the time comes and ONLY by asking the Holy Spirit to give you the words.so everytime i get prayed for i had the Pastor or speaker pray for me.and i would say after they asked what i wanted prayer for."whatever comes to mind" and this Prophet put his hands on me and began to pray.he only knew my name."i believe your walk is a walk of "walking it out",a confidence,you must be strong,you must be confident and do not doubt that you are being led by Him"....(the hair started to stand up a little.he said "i feel the Lord telling me to tell you " I HAVE LOVED YOU WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE, THEREFORE WITH LOVING KINDNESS HAVE I DRAWN YOU"..... i began to tremble,and His presence was all over me.That quote is from Jeramiah 31: 1-3...again...He spoke directly to me.later on that night we went back to the house,only a few of us went to this church service,the others had to stay back and clean.they had rawlike oxtail soup and water for dinner...horrible.they were all starving and complaining about how they wished they could eat.one guy wished specifically for rice and ham.it was then the program director Richard walked in.i asked him if the guys could have something to eat and he told me they had already eaten.i asked him again because they seemed down and it would be a good thing to do,he said no.and as he walked out the individual who asked for rice and ham started to get angry....i love this part...i felt Him say SPEAK. so i asked for the words and they came."obedience...if you simply take whats been given and do not complain,God will bless you".it was then that a man named Michael as well walked by and said "hey Mike ,this is for you" he tossed a book to me..."Blessed for life".he was not in the room nor a part of the conversation in anyway.the individual saw the title of the book and even he said "wow" and stopped grumbling.a few minutes later he went down stairs and came back up with a smile on his face and he said "God blessed me".they had given him exactly what he asked for.rice and ham. it was in this place that He began to give me serious jewels.Wisdom i had never had.knowledge of things i will not talk about here.not yet anyway.every service that came i looked forward to the Word that would be given.St Pauls church in Conn also had a man that i met whose name is Michael.an elder an very annointed by God.after the service at St.Pauls i went up to him and asked him for prayer.he asked for what and i said again "whatever comes to mind".he began to pray and stopped.he took out this small bottle of oil and blessed my hands and forehead and said he felt the Lord telling him that i didn't get it yet,not fully.that i hadn't learned how to recieve,to ask Him for more of the Holy Spirit.he told me that God has given me access to Him,the man next to him who was praying was the Pastor of that church and said that he saw "keys",that i had been given keys.and when Michael prayed his hands heated up to a degree that was very ,very hot.he finished his prayer and stated with wide eyes that " He has something very big for you in the Ministry,and it's coming.soon.he proclaimed me a leader,and told me that God was all over me. days go by and i continue on,at times even the staff stop here and there and tell me that " you're countenance is always up,you're always smiling".Praise God.i was a curiosity to everyone,but again,not approached to often.at times people would rage or yell,other times they would vent or tell me their problems.somebody said once "you're in here just like me!"yes,i was.so it is not that i was better in anyway,but ask yourself one thing.if you and i are standing in the same place in the same time,under the same conditions,why is it that i am at peace and you are not?no answer." nobody wants to hear about God anymore"i would hear."i can't help it,and i couldn't.i said as much "i won't stop talking about what He did for me" .and his response was " and how have you been recieved?".by everyone there...not to bad,considering."how have any of them been recieved?".was my reply."who?" he said." His disciples".no answer.day after day it was like that.and not one bit of it was in my own strength,not one bit.i could have retreated,played the system,been the joker and had everyone rebelling in minutes.but by the Grace of God,i saw them how God saw them,as much as possible for me at the time.they had classes that you had to give a sermon in,you picked topic and title,and were given free reign to speak....I LOVED THAT CLASS. so i spoke on Ezekiel 2:1-8,and a few others.but i remember having to get up on a podium and "stand".so i did,and i said what was given to me.it was then and a liitle prior to that that the staff said i had a "calling" on my life,many gifts,talents,but it wasn't my time to speak,it wasn't my season.sorry,but if i gotta listen to the Voice inside,the same One that spoke the Words " I LOVE YOU" or to you,i am pretty sure you know who i would choose.and it wasn't long in coming before they had the answer to that choice.i just kept on talking.the elder i mentioned ,Michael,came to the house for meetings with the students,and he an i always sat next to each other,and he continued to tell me to "never be afraid to speak.always speak what the Holy Spirit is telling you to speak" after the class he was headed outside and needed help down the stairs,he was 68 yrs old and walked with a cane,so i helped him outside and down the steps and again he tells me,God has something for you,speak,never be afraid to speak.he had just handed me a paper that had fallen out of his book,and he gave it to me and said i could have it.i looked on it and it was a written Prophecy from God.it said " you trusted Me through the good times,now trust Me through the bad".i knew something was coming for me and it was gonna be a test. i gave him a hug and said i would see him later.i went back inside and was right away yelled at." what are you doing outside!"it was a staff member who did not like me." i was helping Michael outside.he needed help down the stairs"the staff just looked at me and said " i don't care,don't do it again" "what? help him down the stairs?you realize he's elderly right? and needs help down the stairs? he says, " i dont care,don't do it again".so i said " with all due respect sir,if it comes to helping him down the stairs or listening to you and him possibly falling im gonna help him down the stairs" so he said," ok,i got somethin for you" and walked away. something had come. by this time the students were warming up to me,they saw " something different" and i would pray over the room at night with everyone in agreement,people stopped having nightmares,they smiled in spite of the staffs dissregard ,they talked openly about how they felt and one guy,the same one who asked " and how have you been recieved?" eventually shook my hand and said " you have helped me more than you will ever know."Erik is his name.we had many long discussions about the Love of God,the joy of His salvation,and he would absorb it all." deep man' is all he'd say.but i noticed that as time went on i would see him sitting by himself reading the Bible.asking questions. people would talk to me and or come to me about problems or seriously listen when i spoke.it was solely the Power of Jesus ,the Most High God ,who brought that turn around,the same God who loves me,loves them...loves you as well.and His gift is free.simply believe. days went by and it came to be that i had to go in front of " the board" for disciplinary action.i had been written up for disobeying staff.i went in and said " it's in your hands Lord".because of what i spoke on and how often,they hated when i spoke.so they gave me ,for a punishment,a " speaking" fast.i was not allowed to speak for a week straight... it was in direct contrast to what had been given to me.as i said,i will listen to the Most High.when the others found out that i had recieved that,they all got mad," their scared of you Mike","they know they dont have any answers for your questions and i aint never heard of no talk fast"." you're a threat to them bro",all types of responses like that.and so i tried.but the Spirit of God would not be quieted.we ended up going to St .Pauls again a day or so later and all before that i was in conflict,what do i do?do i remain quiet or do i speak when He tells me to speak?i had been wrestling with alot over what had been done and i said in my mind " god if you want me to leave this place now,let me know,because i am torn,if this is of me,remove it,if it is of You,make it known".they had a special guest speaker that day,a woman who had prepared a Word for that day."The Power of Words..." she begins,again my hair stands up a little." always speak when God tells you to,there is Life in His Word.does anyone wish to read this scripture verse for me?"she asks. i feel a bolt of electricity go through my stomach,and without thinking i just stood up and said " i will" the staff in the pews look back at me with a look i won't get in to.i get the verses.John 5:1-8.it is a story about a man who was crippled laying beside a pool,he had been crippled for years,and once a yr the pool would be touched by the Power of God and who ever entered in would be healed.but the man never made it because someone always went ahead of him.Jesus passed by and saw the man and basically asked him why ." everytime i try to someone goes ahead of me and i have NO ONE TO PICK ME UP AND CARRY ME INTO THE POOL".Jesus looked at the man and said"RISE,TAKE UP YOUR BED AND WALK". again,it was as if Jesus was speaking directly to me.i felt his presence overwhelm me right there as i was reading it and i knew i had my answer.it was time to go. i went back to the house and packed up a small black an blue bookbag with angel wings on it,and donated the rest to Erik.he gave me his information and we hugged,as did everyone else.all the students gave me a hug goodbye.one gave me a hat and gloves just in case i needed them."where will you go?" they asked."New York...Albany area"i said.they looked hopeful but even more so,worried and sad over losing a friend."how will you get there?".i will walk,was my reply.He will see me through.i went downstairs and said my goodbyes to the staff and gave the ones i saw a hug,and had absolutely no ill will towards anyone.so with the same hoody in my picture i stepped out into sidewalk and took a leap of faith. i had 40 dollars and no idea how to get home."i'm in your hands Lord" and began to walk." to walk it out" the words of the Prophet came back and i started to smile.my test.i walked down the street and saw a man waving at me who i didnt know,he said " sorry i thought you were someone else" SPEAK,the Words came again."could you help me find a map?" i said.he says sure,and points me to his friend John across the street...who happens to be a Christian and sells maps in his store.i was given two maps.one of bridgeport and one of Trumbull,that was all they covered.that left 100 miles or so with no phone and no idea what roads to take.so i bid him farewell and thanked him."God is good my friend" "All the time" was his reply.he was an enormous man.and i remeber the smile on his face when i told him i was walking home,and where home was.so i began that walk,i remember i was light hearted and happy,at peace.i had walked for what was about two miles when i saw a Christian bookstore,"GO IN" it came from the inside.so i went in and asked the man behind the counter "are you Christian?""yes" he said.and i then asked him to pray with me,he began to agree with me in spanish and i said thank you as i left.before i left he stops me and says "here take these"he hands me a whole bunch of tracks and i leave.as im walking i pass them out to random people,occasionally saying "God bless you" to strangers and you would be surprised how well people take to hearing that.hours go by and i run out of guidance from the maps,i am at the Trumbull line and beyond is a great unknown.i had NO IDEA where i was.it was then my feet started to hurt a little,and as i was walking i prayed,because despair started to creep in,"Lord ,you said the steps of a righteous man are ordered by You,please send your Spirit ahead of me and clear the way from this place to my next destination.send your angels ahead of me to make the path straight and known." so i began to walk again and started taking a road here and a road there,back roads and country roads,passing out tracks,and singing.but after several hours my feet and knees started to really hurt bad.i stopped at a library and went online and updated on here to let certain people know i was coming home.and then began to walk again.hours later i was still walking,my feet were throbbing my right knee was killing me and i realized i had travelled 25 miles with a 40lb bag on my back,"keep going" a voice on the inside.one foot in front of the other,i kept going."don't give up"again it came.several hours later the sun was just about down and my legs were on fire,my feet were no longer there,it was just a throbbing ,hot step after the next."God,help me please"i was no longer singing,i just stared down as i walked.and more and more i started to think i had made a mistake."Praise Me"...the voice on the inside.i DID NOT feel like singing at that point.not even a little."Praise Me".so i did.Agnus Dei came to mind and i sang it.and i kid you not,i felt a second wind pick up in me."show me where to go Lord"...and He did. "The Church of the Holy Cross welcomes you,just ahead" the sign read.and tears came to my eyes.so i walked on,and on,and on.it was an eternity.and i saw a police station on the left,"you could go there and ask them to give you a call"a different voice on the inside."no God,i will trust in You.i discarded that thought and began an enormous climb of a hill on a cool looking sidewalk,in Newtown Conn.i remembering saying to myself ,Lord if this church is not open i will just sleep right there on the steps.so i walked ,barely, up the hill.i was limpimg and sweaty and exhausted.i saw the church on the right and walked up to the door,i reached for the knob "please Lord" it was a Wednsday night.it opened.and it was right in the middle of a service.i walked in and a man named Rick handed me a pamphlet and and i made my way down the isle and collapsed in the pew."i'm here Lord,talk to me". i opened the pamphlet and it was a mindblower.it was a description of a man calling out to God.it said " Help me O God,for my limbs are tired and hurt,my bones are weary and i am broken,my zeal for you has caused my enemies to try to destroy me,i am like a man in the pitt,like one who has gone down into the pit.save me O God,for i am dying".i started to tear up and just said "thank you".it was a beautiful service and after it was over i was getting ready to walk out,and limping out one door something stopped me,"TURN AROUND,GO OUT THE OTHER WAY"so i turned around and went out the other way.i saw the man who had handed me the pamphlet,"TELL HIM THE TRUTH,PUT YOUR PRIDE ASIDE". so i did."excuse me sir,im doing what God is calling me to do and i am exhausted and far from home.will you help me?"absolutely was his response and he ushered me back into the pew and got the Priest.the priest came out and i explained it all.everything i have mentioned from how He saved me up until that moment.and the Priest said.Rick will drive you home.the Priest then gave me 40 dollars,and doubled what i had started with.Rick and i had a talk that is private,but i will say this much about that drive home.he ended up giving his life to Jesus as he drove.Praise God.the church i went to also happened to be the oldest and longest running episcopal church in the country.... God saves,and never puts us in a place He can not get us out of.He also has no problem getting us out of a place He didnt put us in.i give all credit to the Most High.without Jesus i am absolutely nothing.i am what i was before He saved me.Dying and on my last.i think back on all that He's done and it makes me wanna vomit when i fail now.sin.because i do.no one is perfect,no one does not sin.i do everyday,and i strive to please Him,and He is working in me like i never imagined.and i love Him and am grateful for Him paying a debt that i never could.i owe Jesus my life.so He has it.it doesn't matter who you are or where youve been or what youve done wrong.it DOES NOT MATTER. we are saved by Grace,not by works,or words.the peace and joy come from the Presence of the Living God Living inside you,and from knowing that no matter what.He will never let you go.all you have to do to be saved is hear and believe.confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord of all,that He is God come in the form of a man and died on the cross for your sins,and rose again on the third day,that He is coming again.allyou have to do is ask Him to come into your heart and be your God,to save you.and He will.you will have a real relationship with the only True and Living God.Jesus,the King of Kings. thank you and God bless.