Jun 4, 2012
I have mentioned several times to you that I'd love to share with you my testimony from the weekend in August (8/5-7/11) when you were here. I feel like I am supposed to do so now. So much happened that weekend. I heard from some that they got nothing out of that weekend but I got so much out of it. God just did so much. One way I'd like to describe the weekend is this "I was humongously awesomely blessed". (I don't think "humongously" is a word or can end with 'ly' but I don't care. I am saying it that way anyway.)
I will go by each meeting in which something happened. I decided to self title each message you gave for my journal entry. I don't know if you have already entitled them but I went ahead and did it anyway. Sorry. This is reflective of three of the meetings. I will try to condense it some so it's not too long. I don't think you want my entire journal entry verbatim for it's 10 1/2 pages long.
Friday Night: I called the message, "Refinement of Character". I needed this word. You were talking about all the circumstances and things we go through whether positive or negative that it has all been for our glorious preparation for our destination. You went on about how despite all we go through that something is happening in the unseen. Our roots are growing. I have never heard this before and found it interesting. So, I'm like, "hmm, my roots must be growing." I am realizing that despite the hard, tough, frustrating, miserable circumstances and stuff I have been and am going through that something has been happening in the unseen. My roots are growing. God is causing my roots to grow deeper and deeper in Him and thus I go higher and higher (grow taller and taller in Him). Wow. I was reflecting on your talk about roots. I said to myself, "that is something I know about." I have a flower bed, a large vegetable/herb garden and have pulled my share of weeds so I know about roots. Some are shallow, some are deeper, some vine out to produce more plants, and some go straight down to China. The deeper the root the sturdier or hardier the plant. As I was reflecting what you were saying about roots God gave me a vision. The vision: I saw my legs and feet standing on what looked like a rock. At times it may appear like dirt but it looked more like a large rock. I saw roots under my feet and they went straight down inside the rock. I was like, "I have roots and they're big(long)". I felt like God was showing me that I have deep roots, they're growing and I am rooted in the Rock. I can withstand the storms that come my way. As much as I am hanging on by a fine thin thread, as much as I hate what I've been through, and am still going through, as much as I want out so desperately, and feeling like I can't take it anymore and feel like I am about to fold under it I am still standing. I am enduring and persevering. You said something about not despising the process and that God brings you through the process. It's not meant for my harm or evil but meant for my good or the good of me. It reminded me of Joseph and all he went through. He said to his brothers what you meant for evil God meant it for good. I am also reminded of Job; a song says "I am coming out Gold". Amen. I had a revelation of roots as well when you were talking about them. You may have touched on this some so I may be expounding on that. Roots go deep. They go deep in search of what? Water. They need water to thrive. They get some nourishment from the soil but they also need water. I likened this to us. Our roots are, or need to be, rooted in the Rock or soil, Jesus Christ. The roots then go deep to tap into the water source--River of Life, Holy Spirit. The River of Life is our life source. We're constantly tapped into it. Wow. Can you imagine what our lives are like being tapped into it? We will be so nourished, thriving, alive and have such power in our Spirits, our lives. Wow!!! One more thing for tonight. You went on about the things we have gone through and how we'd love to be instantly snapped out of them. God sometimes takes us through them not out. You were saying, "God is breaking through for you. God is delivering you. When God delivers you it's not always out of, many times it's through." I could go on, it's all good and applicable. This was a long statement of which I don't feel to go into. In the midst of this statement you said "It's for someone here tonight". I felt it was for me. Believe me, I have been fighting a long time and wonder when will this end. I had a mini vision at this point to. I saw you up front by the pulpit. I was in the back in my seat. Everyone in between and to my left were gone. They looked fogged over or something. It was just you and me. You were talking directly to me. A "just for me" moment. Yeah!
Sunday Morning: I called this message "His Glorious Presence; Joy" This was another "for me" message. You began your sermon with Psalm 27 (my Psalm). I consider this my Psalm because a lady had received this from the Lord for me a long time ago. It was my first thing from God I think and it was special to me. Hence, my Psalm. When you started with this I knew I had better pay attention and that it was for me. You were talking directly to me again. Great message. I will expound more on the message in summary. The blessings came mostly afterward. I was seeking and crying out to God during the prayer time. God spoke to me. He said, "Claim victory. Victory is yours." and "My daughter, you are precious in My sight." Wow! I'm still pressing into God and while making CD copies of the service God showed me a vision I had two years ago but this time it was different. The original vision came in January of 2009 while on a two week fast with the church. The vision was of two images of a rose. I saw a rose on the ground. It was trampled underfoot in the mud and dirt. I could almost see feet, horses pulling buggies, and such. I have been feeling like this rose. I have been feeling like I get so trampled under foot and rubbed in the dirt by circumstances, people, and the such. It feels like it doesn't stop. Then to the left of this I saw a slender vase with a beautiful pink rose in it. This vase was on a pedestal. This rose was in bloom. Of course while seeing this I ask God, "What is this?" God said it was me (rose in vase). I said, "How can this be when I feel like that (trampled rose)?" I felt God was saying, "This is how I see you (rose in vase)." It was a very hard thing to see myself as the rose in the vase. I related this to a song called, "Above All". The part in the chorus which says, "...rejected and alone, like a rose trampled on the ground..." I know this song refers to Jesus but I can sure relate. It's hard to see myself as this beautiful pink rose in the vase when I feel so pressed against, so squashed, so rejected, so shoved away and so trampled in the mud. I wonder if I will ever find let alone see the light of day again. It's been a hard process. The vision God gave today was just like that one but it showed transition. I was now between the two. I can't explain what I saw in the vision but I know it showed the transition I had made thus far at that point. I am getting closer to seeing myself as the rose in the vase. This made me happy. I rushed to get the CD's done so I could go up for prayer. I wanted you to pray for me but I wasn't fast enough. You scooted before I could get up there. I was standing up front waiting for prayer and Sue came over and laid her hand on my back. The anointing was strong. I felt a burning heat. There were two men who came with you which you had called to come up front to pray for people. One of them came over to pray for me. I don't know who it was but I'd love to find out. I never looked to see who it was. He placed his thumbs in the palms of my hands and prayed. What do you think the first words out of his mouth were? A confirmation of the vision which came before. He said, "You are a flower. I see the sun shining on the flower and the flower reaching for the sun. A flower with the sun shining on it. You are a jewel. A precious jewel. A diadem. Isaiah 62:3 (whole chapter is good)." He may have said something about "precious in his sight". In his praying for me he referred to me as "sister". This made me feel like family. I felt like he was my brother even though I had no clue who he was. It felt good. He continued, "When she reads the Bible let Your word come alive to her." He also prayed, "There is a cry in your heart for acceptance" and something about being accepted. He also prayed for self-confidence;A deep, inner, within confidence. When he did I felt my back to go straighter or I was standing taller. Something happened inside. Wow! He was right on with all he said. I wished I knew who it was to thank him and hug him. Me so blessed!
To summarize: There has been this question in my heart about joy. I noticed how you have this joyous countenance and just glow. I have been wondering how to achieve this and maintain it (let no one steal it away). I so desperately want joy in my life. I want to wear a true smile on my face with real joy backing it up. I'm tired of wearing a fake smile on my face and saying everything is good when it's not. Joy would be wonderful. If I could muster up the guts and boldness I'd ask you. When you started your message with Psalm 27 I knew it was for me. As the message progressed it occurred to me you were talking about joy. There is joy in God's presence. I realized you were answering my question. It's like God heard the cry of my heart, gave you the answer and you preached it. How awesome is that. I know it could be a possible answer. I have been feeling overlooked, forgotten, forsaken, and unnoticed. It was like God heard my hearts cry for joy and such to which He answered me. He spoke to me, gave me a vision, and confirmed them. It was like He was saying you're not overlooked, not forgotten, not forsaken, and not unnoticed. I noticed you. I heard you. I didn't overlook you. I noticed. I just felt so special. When no one else would notice God did. Isn't He so amazing?!
Sunday Night: I called this one, "Transformation; Transition". Another great message. The one thing that stood out to me was your talk about the butterfly. You talked about how the caterpillar while in the cocoon liquefies before turning into a butterfly. I had a vision. I saw the outer shape of a cocoon. I could see the inside of the cocoon. I saw liquid inside swirling around. I think there was a streak of light swirling in there too. I wondered if that was the state I was in at that time. (Liquid turning into a butterfly). Now, 7 months later, I feel like I am a butterfly trying to get out of the cocoon. I am finding it quite a struggle. My mind also wondered back to a song about butterflies. I think it's called, "Doves with Butterflies" by Christine Wyrtzen. It's one of my favorites. It starts out "The old grey farmer glanced out his kitchen door..." Do you know it? I hope so. I have the words in my journal but think I will spare you them. The words are good and go along with what you were saying. While I was writing the words in my journal I got some insight from it. Just like the butterfly which has to free itself from the cocoon or it will die. So we must be. I guess we have to fight some tests to develop what God wants in us so we can thrive. I understand this but the way I feel I'd like God to come in and free me, help. I was able to go up front to participate in the prayer time. You weren't laying hands on anyone but letting the Spirit move and have His way. I got on my knees and was thanking God for the awesome weekend and the blessings. I had a vision. It's hard to explain. It was like God opened a window and was showing me a part of His vast love for me. I certainly felt like I experienced a portion of that love this weekend. It was like God was showing me I had a taste. I was reflecting on this taste of His love and wondered just how many of us realize just how much He loves us. The depths and greatness of His love toward us. I thought if I had just experienced a portion of it how much more intense would it be if He showed me His love for me in its entirety. I thought it would kill me or at least have me floored. Wow! I was happy for the taste. I continued to pray and God says, "There is a well within." I thanked Him for that. I question what He meant. Is it a well of "rivers of living water" inside of me or is it a wealth of knowledge I have which is not being tapped into? Either way, I agreed.
After the meeting was over and most of the people have left, I was standing in the back behind the back row. Dorothy was sitting there. Paulette came back and sat down. She was laughing in the Spirit. I started laughing too. I glanced out into the foyer. I saw your dad standing there. I was contemplating going out there to hug him again. As I looked at him I saw this aura around him. It extended maybe a foot and half out in front of him or around him. I asked God what it was. I felt immediately it was a "father" or "fatherly" aura. There was more but I will keep it to myself.
To summarize the whole weekend: I was humongously awesomely blessed. A God ordained weekend just for me! I shared this with my mom and she said that because I had prayed for you and the meetings God blessed me. Wow! I was sure was blessed! God made me feel so special. It felt so good.
That is my testimony. As much as I was blessed I hope you were blessed too. I thank God for a wonderful blessing filled weekend. I thank you, Matt, for being obedient to God and bringing forth His word into my life.
Many blessings to you. You are always in my prayers. My heart goes out to you and all you do.